Grief During the Holidays: When Others Remember
“Love is the breath; grief is the release.”
The holidays are often described as the most wonderful time of the year, filled with joy, warmth, and togetherness. For those grieving the loss of a loved one, the season can feel like a magnifying glass, making the absence feel even more profound. Memories tied to shared traditions—decorating the tree, baking favourite holiday treats, or singing carols—may become bittersweet reminders of what once was. Yet, the holidays can also offer a quiet, sacred space for remembrance — a time to honour the love that still lingers, woven into the fabric of who we are.
It has been said that to grieve is the price of love. After a loss, that unspent love lingers, filling the quiet corners of our hearts and spilling from our eyes in unexpected moments—at the sight of a familiar place, a favourite song, or a holiday tradition.
As the holiday season draws near, I find myself chasing the joy and magic of Christmas through the wonder in my two little boys’ eyes — how they sparkle at the mere mention of Santa or the promise of baking cookies together. Their excitement takes me back to being five years old, hearing the familiar “shave and a haircut” knock at the door and knowing my grandfather had arrived, bringing warmth and love along with him. I’m transported to evenings surrounded by family, listening to my great aunt’s fingers dance across the keyboard as she played ‘Jingle Bells.’ And I can still feel the nostalgic beauty of those Christmas Eve visits with my grandmother, watching my boys wrap their small arms around her for a hug and hearing their sweet voices say, “Merry Christmas.”
NL Health Services’ employee, Jon Oake, with his two sons, Cole and Remy.
These memories are like fragile ornaments, shimmering with love and aching with the loss of those who made the season so special. Yet, through my boys, the magic feels alive again — different, but no less beautiful.
Balancing Grief and Joy – Remembering Through Tradition
Grief during the holidays can present a paradox. Many of us feel pulled in two directions: the desire to celebrate and the deep longing for the person who made those celebrations whole.
“With time, grief and joy can co-exist, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Allow yourself to feel the sadness that comes with missing a loved one but also permit yourself to find moments of joy,” says Sandra Lush, NL Health Services’ regional manager of spiritual health and ethics. “It’s okay to laugh, to celebrate, and to embrace the season in a way that feels authentic to you. If you find it difficult to engage in traditions, be kind to yourself. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and some years will feel heavier than others. It’s okay to adapt, scale back, or skip certain activities if they feel too overwhelming.”
NL Health Services offers grief and bereavement sessions not just for the holiday season but throughout the year. Sandra notes that attending a support group can feel intimidating at first, with many newcomers feeling uncertain. However, within a session or two, participants often find comfort and connection as the group bonds. Those grieving may initially feel isolated in their pain —- whether it’s hurt, anger, loneliness, or another emotion — but quickly discover solace in sharing with others facing similar struggles. While every loss is unique, the shared emotions create a supportive space. Support groups don’t erase the pain but offer tools, resources and understanding to make the grief journey a little easier.
NL Health Services offers free in-person grief and bereavement groups for years and recently added virtual sessions, which have been met with overwhelmingly positive feedback. They provide the same sense of connection as in-person meetings and offer a vital resource for those in rural areas, where isolation during difficult times can feel even greater.
As part of the support groups, Sandra often shares with participants that traditions are more than just activities; they are rituals that connect us to our past, to those we love, and to the values that shape our lives. For those grieving, continuing or adapting traditions can serve as an anchor in a time of upheaval. She offers the following suggestions for those grieving this holiday season:
| Creating Space for Their Memory Set aside a moment during your holiday traditions to acknowledge their absence. This could be as simple as lighting a candle. |
| Holding Onto Their Favorites Did they have a favorite holiday song, dish, or decoration? Incorporating these elements into your celebrations can evoke their presence in a way that feels warm and familiar. |
| Starting Something New Sometimes, the weight of old traditions can feel too heavy. In these moments, creating a new tradition in their honor can bring both solace and a sense of purpose |
| Telling Their Stories Gather with loved ones to share stories about the person you’re missing. Laugh at their quirks, cry over their absence, and remember their essence. Stories are how we keep the ones we love alive; They are a thread that connects us to the past, even as we step into the future. |
Now, after losing some of the people I’ve loved and held so dear to my heart, the holidays have evolved, and each year brings joy in new ways. I find myself standing at my sister’s front door with my two little boys, tapping out that familiar “Shave and a Haircut” knock. It’s the same one that once brought me so much joy all those years ago. My heart swells as I hear my nephew playing ‘Jingle Bells’ on the keyboard, his notes filling the air with echoes of holidays past. Together, we hang my grandparents’ cherished ornaments on our tree. We bake cookies, the kitchen alive with laughter and we weave new traditions into the fabric of our family while carrying forward the legacy of those we hold close in our hearts.
A Season of Love
As you navigate the season, permit yourself to feel everything — to cry when you need to, to laugh when joy surprises you, to hold onto their memory in ways that bring comfort.
As you place the candle in the window, hang the ornament on the tree, or tell their story to the next generation, remember they are not gone. They live on in the traditions you carry, and the love you feel.
For available grief and bereavement support groups, please visit here. A full list of available grief and bereavement resources can be found here.
This story was written by Jon Oake, communications officer with NL Health Services, based out of Grand Falls-Windsor.